I Thought My Pain Would Be In Yesterday
by Trust This Dialect
Summary: Nathan and Haley have broken up and gone off to different school so it's four years down the line what happens when each of them realizes that they cannot seem to get each other out of their hearts?
1. Confusion of the Heart

Title: _I Thought My Pain Would Be In Yesterday..._

Author: Katie

Chapter One

_A tall, slender, red haired beauty walks pacing up and down a college dormitory hall with a worried look on her flawless face after nearly an hour of this she opens a door with a huge white board that reads "Go Blue Devils Basketball, We Love Our Number 23". She walks in cautiously and sits down on a small single bed that looks like it has just been slept in , she surveys the room just as she has done a million times before but this time making sure to remember every inch as if she would never darken the doorway again. _

_There is a loud noise outside the door as if something has just been thrown against it then there is a rattling of keys and a tall, dark haired, handsome young man enters, he picks up the bag he had thrown against the door and throws it into a closet while all the while paying no attention to the girl sitting on his bed._

What point will you actually acknowledge the fact that I'm in the room?

_He looks over at this seemingly perfect woman whom is on the verge of tears and obviously shaken by something that he cannot determine. He walks over to the bed and sits down next to her; he intertwines his hands and stares at carpet below him before answering her question._

I know I have not been the most attentive boyfriend lately but I promise after the payoff things will change.

Nathan you have been saying that every year since senior year in high school but nothing ever changes.

Rachel I promise this time it will be different.

_A tear streams down her face as she begins what she knows will be the last fight that they will ever have as a couple._

Nathan in two weeks we are going back to Tree Hill for the first time in three years so you can see Brooke, Lucas, Karen, and the baby. I will not present us to these people we used to be so close to as this wonderful couple that is far from real. Why is it that it's ok for us to sleep together but beyond that you act as if I'm just some random girl you hook-up with to help the time pass?

You know that's not true, you are my girlfriend and have been for a very long time. I've never dated anyone for as long as I've dated you doesn't that say anything? I mean we have been together for nearly four years.

Unless you can tell me that you whole heartedly love me this is over, so what do you have to say?


	2. Memories Are Like Ocean Waves

Thanks to everyone who commented I really appreciate it because I have not written anything in a very long time so I love to heard feedback. Thanks to OTH.daddy'sgurl.06, Natz95 I agree with you about not being to fond of Rachel lol, Lorilozz I promise Haley will enter the picture very soon, and deepdesire23 thanks for the suggestion I'm going to use them from now on I hope that makes it easier to understand.

"Just because we have been dating for the past three years does not mean that when it comes of matters of the heart I can just look past it. I need you to tell me the truth, Nathan do you love me?"

_Nathan raises his head and looks at her but just before he begins to answer he takes a second to think how he is going to answer this question that should be so easy. He knows that all she wants to hear is of course I love you but is that how he really feels and is how he truly feels more important than making her happy? Nathan soon returns his gaze to the floor and responds._

"Rachel you know...

"Nathan before you say anything_ she places her hand under his chin and raises it her meet her face _I need you to look at me and don't tell me what I know or what you think I want to hear."

"You know...I mean I know...I mean...yes, I love you."

_Tears began to stream down her face but this time a smile comes along with it. She has been waiting for what seems like forever to hear whose three words. At that moment she is filled with joy until all of a sudden she is overwhelmed by the nagging feeling that he is not telling the truth and her smile disappears._

"I love you too and I've told you that many times but are you _in _love with me?"

"I just told you I loved you."

"I know you love me but are you_ in _love with me?"

To mask his sudden realization that his feelings towards her are not what she wants them to be, he begins to get angry.

"Look I told you how I feel and ifthat's enough for you, then I'm not enough for you."

For the strangest reason the second he finishes that sentence a young girl's tear filled face appears in his head. This was the face of Haley James his ex-girlfriend/wife. All of a sudden the very similar conversation they had comes rushing back to him.

_---Flashback---_

_NATHAN: Hey. _

HALEY: You, um, said they weren't real people.

NATHAN: Haley, what are you doing?

HALEY: I'm a real person. I have feelings, I have problems, I feel  
vulnerable and self-conscious and I'm just like every other person.

NATHAN: I know that.

HALEY: Well what happened to sex just being magical, and being this  
amazing expression of how much you love someone? These cyber girls,  
they're just like triple jointed and waxed, and always turned on, and it's just a  
lie.

NATHAN: I understand that. It's just a fantasy.

HALEY: Is Peyton a fantasy, too?

_NATHAN: You know, it'd be nice if a guy could have a little privacy in his  
own apartment. _

HALEY: I can't be Peyton for you. I can't be those girls. I just, I won't.

NATHAN: I don't want you to be.

HALEY: Are you sure about that? Because - (She takes his hand and kisses it)  
I gave you my heart. That's all that I can give to you. And if that's not  
enough for you, then I'm not enough for you.

_---End of Flashback---_

"Look Rachel we have a good thing going and I really don't want to screw it up but you have to know that in the department of declaring my love for girls I have a really hard time."

_Another conversation with Haley rushes back._

_---Flashback---_

_HALEY: Nathan, I know I'm driving you crazy. _

NATHAN: No you're not.

HALEY: Do you think that I'm a tease?

NATHAN: Stop it.

HALEY: Well what do you think?

NATHAN: I think that you're my girlfriend, and I like to spend time with you. Look I just don't want to push you.

HALEY: You're not.

NATHAN: But I am. Haley, you got a tattoo for god sakes. It just freaks me out a little bit, because obviously this whole thing with us means a lot to you. I just don't want to do anything to pressure you. Or drive you away. Even though sometimes I can't help it. Just like I can't help that I fell in love with you. Cause I did. I love you, Haley. And it scares me, a little bit, but, there it is.

HALEY: Wow. There it is. (She kisses him) I love you too. (They continue to kiss)

_---End of Flashback---_

I hope you all enjoyed chapter two, I will update as soon as possible and I have to give credit to ( for the transcripts from the season one episodes "How Can You Be Sure" and "The Leaving Song".


	3. Donuts and Secrets

Sorry I have not updated in a while but with the holidays and my upcoming party I've been really busy. Thanks for all the reviews, keep them coming I love feedback.

_A young girl with beautiful blond and a short build walks over to the counter in a small cafe and places a tray on $13 down. She turns around and places her hands into the pocket of her apron and waves to a custom leaving the cafe after living a generous tip. She turns around and walks behind the counter, she begins to pour her self a cup out coffee just before she starts to take a sip she hears the ringing of a bell. That could only mean someone had just come through the doors which normally would be a blessing but today she was tired and hoping for a slow night. She looks up to see a girl about her age with bleached blond, curly hair, tall and about as skinny as a rail. The girl smiles at her and walks over to the counter._

"So slow night?" _she says peering over the counter_

"No actually I've had a really busy night and what in the world are you looking for?"

"I'm hungry."

"Well you're not going to find anything under her."

"First off that's a lie, that's were you keep the good donuts." _She says with a huge smirk on her face. _

"Alright but you take all the ones I save for the end of the day." _She reaches under the counter and pulls out a big chocolate frosted donut places it down on a plate she had pulled from the dish drainer behind her and pushes it across the counter. _

"Thank you very much, Haley James."_ She says trying to talk and eat at the same time._

"Alright Peyton give it up and tell me what you want. I have known you far too long and I can tell when you want to talk and when you want something from me so just spit it out."

"Ok so you caught me" _she says_ _swallowing her last bit of donut and brushing off her mouth with a napkin._ "I know I've asked you this about a million times but I want you to come with be this weekend."

"No way!"

"Come on Haley it's not going to be a big deal just me, you, Brooke, Lucas, Karen and little Kyla. It's just going to be a weekend thing. Please"

"I don't know I'm really busy and I can't just pick up and leave without giving my parents any notice."

"So what call them and tell them that you're going and I'm sure they will be ok with it."

_Haley picks up the nearest phone dials the number of her parents house she stand there for a while waiting for someone to pick up. After a while someone pick up she mutters something then they begin to argue._

"Haley that's a lot to ask don't you think?"

"Mom it's just one weekend I promise."

"You say that but what if you get caught up in all the action and want to say longer. I don't want to have to be the angry mother who has to tell her 21 year old daughter no."

"Look it's going to be my only chance to see Brooke, Lucas, Karen, and Kyla for a very long time."

"You're going back to Tree Hill he only lives a little ways away and he might just show up. I don't want you going if there is any chance he could be there."

"Mom I promise there is no chance that he will be there Brooke promised."

"You're sure about this?"

"Yes"

"Alright I'll do it but on the off chance you do see him you know you can't lie well so just run in the opposite direction."

"I know thanks."

_Haley says goodbye hangs up the phone and turns to Peyton._

"So was that a yes?" _she says and raises her eye brow in an inquisitive way_

"That was a yes."

"Why did it take so long?"

"She is worried about me running into "Him"."

"Brooke said he wasn't coming."

"I told her that but she's just being cautious."

"Well she is just trying to protect me and..."_ just as she goes to finish her sentence a young, dark haired boy around the age of three runs behind the counter and hugs her waist. She looks down at the boy rubs his head then looks back up towards Peyton._

"Yeah she is just trying to protect me and my little man here."


	4. A Long Journey To A Distant Land

_There she sat shoved against a window, loads of bags pilled in the seat next to her staring out the window into the fleeting abyss wondering what this supposedly casual trip would bring. As much as Peyton and Brooke tried to convince her, Haley could not shake the feeling that this trip would turn out be the end of her life as she knew it. There was a feeling in the air that told her change was steadily approaching. The first bad omen she received was when her and Peyton could not get plane tickets and realized the only way to get there was to dive. This drive was no short trip it would take them exactly 43 hours, 18 minutes driving non-stop to make in to Tree Hill, North Carolina in time for their reuion filled weekend. _

"How are you doing back there Haley?"_Peyton says looking into her reaview miror at haley whom looked half asleep._

"Oh just dandy" _she replied while removing her gaze from the window to the front of the car._

"Well we are about..., wait look at this directions I printed off the computer and tell me whats my next turnoff."

"Umm lets see." _Haley saysing examing the directions._"You next turn off in onto Market Street which will land us in Tree Hill in about 20 minutes."

"Wow isn't this exciting were almost there."

"Yeah just thrilling" _haley said giving a very dramatic roll of her eyes. _

"Look if you didn't want to do this you could have just said no."

"I wanted to go but now I'm thinking maybe it was a bad idea."

"Why would you say that?"

"I don't know, I just keep getting this strange feeling that something is going to go terribly wrong and there is nothing I can do to stop it."

"Well if thats true that whats the use in worry about something you can't control?"

"I don't know but worring is all I seem to do these days."

"I think that comes with motherhood or at least thats what Karen always told me."

_Haley lets out a small laugh and returned to her almost monotinis gaze through her small, backseat window. After a few moments of silence Peyton facial expression turned serious._

"So before we get out of this car we need to get our stories straight."

"Ok so when you say stories do you mean stories or" _she makes quote marks in the air with her hands_ " stories."

"Well if I was talking the truth than I would not be asking this question."

"Are you going to make me go through this again."

"Yes!"

"Alright so after graduation I left for my dream school, Stanford, of course, my parents followed and decided to buy a house out there because they got tired of living out of an R.V."

"And..."

"And I've been in school ever since working on my degree in education because after years of toturing I decided that teaching was my ture passion."

"Ok and I moved out to California to pursue a carer in music production. I currently live in Palo Alto, and have an adorable yet quorkey british, rocker boyfriend named Melvin."

"Well if you get a boyfriend like that than I get one too."

"Alright so what your boyfriend like."

"Lets see he is short, blond haired, green eyed, layed back, education major who spends his time protesting the university's lack or arts fund and huge emphisis on the athletic system."

"Wow you have thoug about this."

"Yeah I figured if I were to have a made up boyfriend he would be nothing like Nathan."

"Well if thats what you wanted you acheve you succeded."

"Oh look we have officaly arrived in Tree Hill." _she says looking over at the welcome sign._

"And so it begins."

I know it's been a long time since my last update but between the fasting approaching hoildays, my large Christmas party I put on last weekend, and a heavy workload I have not had much time on my hands. I'm sorry about the length but I wanted this one to be reativily short for story sake. I promise to update soon and next time Naley will be present.


	5. Karen and Doorways

_As Haley opened the car door and began to step onto a lawn that she had known since she was nine years old she had this terrible feeling that some how a long the way she had lost touch with two of the most important people that had been there for her for so many years now. She began to ask herself question like I wonder what their lives are like now and how things have changed and maybe even how they haven't. Her thoughts were interrupted by her luggage being thrown at her stomach._

"Earth to Haley, why don't you go inside already, you used to live here. What happened to the phrase you can always go home?"

_Haley looked over at Peyton with disappointment in her eyes._ "You can always go home but it doesn't mean that things will be anything like they used to and that is what worries me."

_Peyton reaches over and places a hand on Haley's shoulder._ "Hey everything will work out for the best I promise."

_Both girls gathered their things and began to walk up the steps and half way up Haley stopped suddenly and grabbed Peyton by the arm._

"What the hell are you worried about now?"

"I have this terrible feeling that there is something behind that door I'm not ready to deal with and you know that I am not the face your fears type."

"Haley we are going inside and I don't care if I have to drag you."

_They both reach the door and before Peyton and reach the bell the door swings open and Karen gives both of them a huge smile._

"Oh girls it so wonderful to see you." _She says collecting both of them into a three-way hug._ "Were all have missed you two around here."

"Thanks Karen, it seems like forever since I've seen you." _A small tear runs down Haley's cheek. _

Wiping away the tear with her hand Karen grabs Haley's face with her other hand. "Don't cry this is going to be a great weekend I promise you. Now you can take your things and put them in Lucas' room. I think you remember where it is."

"Of course I do, oh but what about Peyton?"

"Oh Peyton is staying with Brooke."

Haley looks over at Peyton confused. "Did you know this?"

"Actually yeah I did."

"Then why did you bring you stuff in?"

"Oh that's simple; Brooke has no closet space so I have to leave some stuff here."

_Haley lets out a small laugh remembering the time when her and Brooke lived together and attempted to share closet space._ "That doesn't surprise me."

"So Karen when does Brooke want me over there?"

_Karen looks down at the watch on her wrist._ "Well right about now so why don't you move you butt and I will see you later."

_Peyton gave her bags to Karen waved goodbye and shut the door behind her. _

_As Haley began to travel down the hallway passed many pictures she had seen before she started to feel very sad once again. She open Lucas' bedroom door and began to scan the entire room just as she had the first time she set foot in there. Many things had changed since then but many were the same. She set her bags down and walked out of the room in the direction of the kitchen but was stopped by the sound of Karen's voice talking in hushed but angry tones. Haley peered around the corner to see who Karen was talking to without disrupting her and noticed that she was on the phone. She tried her best to overhear the conversation without causing Karen to turn around. After a while Karen hung up the phone and sat down at the kitchen table. At that point Haley thought it was safe to do the same._

"So if you don't mind me asking who were you talking to, it sounded heated."

"I was talking to my pain in butt of a son."

"Hey that pain is my friend. What did he do now?"

"Oh nothing he just did something without asking me for about the one millionth time."

"What now?" _Haley asked rolling her eyes._

_But before giving an answer the door bell rang and she stood up and ran to the other end of the house to answer it. Just to be cautious she looked out the window to see who it was. And to her amazement it was two very surprising and unexpected guests. Karen when back to the door and turned the knob to open it but only a crack, the young man in the doorway looked at her puzzled._

"_Karen why don't you open the door so we can come in?"_

"_I can't do that."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because you can't come inside."_

"_Oh really, why?_

"_I will give you one clue take a look behind me."_

"_Well I suppose I could if you opened the door."_

"_I can't just try."_

"_Alright"_

"_So what do you see?"_

"_A new couch."_

"_No look towards the kitchen."_

_All he could she was the back of someone's dirty blond, long hair and didn't see how that would prevent him from entering._

"_Ok so there is someone here what does that have to do with us coming inside?"_

"_Look again."_

_And all at once it hit him………_


	6. Same Old Same Old

Sorry I haven't updated in a while but my Grandma has been in the hospital for nearly a month. I finally found the time to update hope you all enjoy. This one is good and long. Feedback is always appreciated.

"Is that?" _a somewhat confused and terrified look came across his face_

"Yes and I don't think it's a good idea for you to barge in here with your girlfriend in tow."

"Ok but you know how Deb isn't too fond of Rachel?"

"Yeah, when you say not to fond you mean hate, right?"

"Yeah, well she won't allow Rachel to stay in her house."

"Ok but what does that have to do with me?... Oh god no Nathan she is not staying here."

"Karen come on? What happened to your whole everyone is welcome in my house speech you made to me on the phone the other day?"

"Normally I would let her stay but with you know what here I think it would be a bad idea. I mean they hated each other in high school and she doesn't even know you two are dating."

"Wait she is staying with you?"

"Yeah!"

"I thought she would be staying with Brooke I just assumed she was visiting you and your right there is no way." _he turns to Rachel and Karen closes the door and retreats inside_

"Nathan what's wrong?"

"Nothing but you can't stay at Karen's so you will have to stay at your parents."

"No way and why can't I?"

"Well because Karen has other people staying there and there is no more room."

"Look I don't care if I have to sleep on the floor I will, I don't want to have to see my parents and who is in there anyway?"

"Oh I 'm not sure Karen just said she was full." Nathan gives Rachel a little push and both of them turn around and walk back to the car.

Back Inside Karen's

"Hey Karen, who was that?" _Haley said as she turned around in her chair_

"Oh no one."

"They didn't seem like no one you talked to whom ever it was for quite a long time."

"Alright you caught me it was one of those religious door to door people trying to sell me stuff and they have been around a lot lately so I gave them a piece of my mind." _giving a sigh of relief_

"Oh well I would have done the same."

"So Haley, how have you been, no one has heard from you since you left town after graduation."

"Oh you know college it's a busy time in ones life."

"So it's going well I gather?"

"Yeah I mean it's my dream you know 'Stanford University' I've wanted to there my entire life."

"I guess so but are you happy?"

"Of course school is great."

"No I don't mean school I mean how is your life?"

"Well umm same old same old I guess."

"Ok you have really painted me a picture, seriously any new man in your life?"

"No"

"Oh"

"Yeah I was just recently dumped."

"Oh I'm sorry honey."

"Yeah it's ok."

"Hey it's his loss, but if you don't mind me asking what happened?"

"Oh you know I said no sex then the next week he tells me we are drifting and dumps me."

"Oh I'm sorry."

_Haley and Karen continue to talk for hours about what life in tree hill has been like since Haley left and the new addition to the family. As many times as Karen tired to get information out of Haley, Haley tried even harder to change the subject until Karen finally gave in and both went off to bed._

_The next morning when Haley got up she went straight to the kitchen for a cup of coffee but someone was standing right in front of the pot._

_"Oh god I would know that terrible blond hair anywhere." the person turned around and sure enough it was Lucas Scott. She ran over and threw her arms around him._

_"Oh Haley it's been far too long."_

_"Lucas I can't believe it's been three years. How have you been man?"_

_"Pretty good and you?"_

_"Oh you know same old same old?"_

_"So anyone new in your life."_

_"Nope I'm flying solo and you?"_

_"Well no one new."_

_"What about someone old?"_

_"Well oh you'll find out later."_

_"Oh come on tell me now."_

_"Nope everyone is meeting at Tric in about two hours, I'll tell you then."_

_"Alright."_

_"Ok well I got to I have a few more things to do before everyone arrives."_

_"Wait when you say everyone who do you mean?"_

_"You'll find out."_

_Lucas leaves and Haley returns to the job of getting her morning coffee. After a breakfast of Cap'in Crunch and toast and reading the latest issue of 'Newsweek', Haley cleans her plates and returns to Lucas' room. She gathers some things, takes a half hour long shower, and begins to get dressed. For some strange reason Haley is overcome with the urge to impress all her high school friends. She picks out a gorgeous red, velvet _Graham & Spencer dress and ascents it with a long necklace. She puts on some peach lip gloss and doesn't even bother to look in the mirror.

A while later Karen, Haley, and little Kyla pack into the car and drive to Tric.

As Haley walks through the door she begins to take in her surroundings and suddenly her attention is overdid to the stage and a whole slew of memories begins flooding back.

Flashback

_Don't think. Just play._

(Haley closes her eyes and starts playing on the keyboard.)

It's October again,  
Leaves are coming down,  
One more year's come and… gone, (Opens her eyes.)  
And nothing's changed at all,  
Wasn't I,  
Supposed to be someone   
To face the things that I've been running from,  
Let me feel, (Everyone has stopped to listen.)  
I don't care if I break down,  
Let me fall,  
Even if I hit the ground,  
And if I, 

_Cry a little, _

_Die a little, _

_(Nathan stands against a pillar and stares at her from the crowd and smiles.) _

At least I know I lived,  
Just a little  
I've become much too good,  
At being evincible,  
I'm an expert,  
I play it safe and keep it cool  
But I swear  
This isn't who I'm meant to be,  
I refuse to let my life roll over me,  
Let me feel,  
I don't care if I break down,  
Let me fall,  
Even if I hit the ground,  
And if I,  
Cry a little,  
Die a little,  
At least I know I've lived  
Just a little,  
I wanna be somebody,  
Who can face the things that I've been running from   
Let me feel,  
I don't care if I break down, (Jules smiles.)   
Even if I hit the ground,  
And if I, 

_Cry a little, _

_Die a little, _

_At least I know I lived… _

_It's October again, _

_Leaves are coming down, _

_One more year's come and gone,_

_And nothing's changed at all._

_End of Flashback_

_Her thoughts are suddenly interrupted by a hand on her shoulder. She turns around._

"Oh my god Brooke I've missed you." _they hug_

"Oh tutor girl I've missed you too."

"How has life been treating you?"

"Oh same old same old and you?"

"Pretty good actually, so got anyone in your life?"

"Nope single and loving it."

"That's good I guess."

"You know with the work load at college it's hard."

"Hey you never told anyone were you ended up going to college, I mean you talked about going to be with you parents but never told anyone the finale decision."

"Oh yeah umm I've been at Stanford."

"Oh that's great, that's where you wanted to go right?"

"Yeah, so who else is coming?"

"Well Lucas, Karen, Kyla, and Peyton are already here."

"So that's everyone right?"

"No" Brooke stops mid sentence and turns her attention to the door ad someone else is entering.

"Hey Brooke, isn't that Rachel?"

"Yeah I don't remember inviting her."

"Well how did she know about it then?"

"My guess is her boyfriend brought her."

Rachel begins to make her way towards Brooke and Haley.

"Hey girls it's been a while hasn't it?"

Both girls give her a confused and slightly taken back look but Haley extends her hand.

"Yes it has, so Brooke tells me you came with you boyfriend, who is the lucky guy?"

Rachel turns around when she hears the door beings opened. Haley turns around in the opposite direction as the door to watch Kyla and Lucas attempt to dance. She hears someone approach but doesn't bother to turn around.

As Nathan begins to make his way over to his girlfriend he sees Brooke and another women talking but all he can see from the other women is the back of her head. Finally he reaches Rachel and puts his arm around her shoulder.

Then Rachel taps her shoulder.

"Haley meet boyfriend."

Haley turns around to greet whatever rich, buff, air headed, jock Rachel has picked up this time but is suddenly stunned.

As her body turns Nathan suddenly realizes who this mystery woman is and loses all the breath in his body. His hands begin to sweat and his heart starts to race. As she faces him both look at one another. Haley looks beautiful as always and Nathan looks a handsome as Haley remembers.

Just like Nathan, Haley's hands begin to sweat and her heart starts to race. There is silence but there is nothing awkward about it. To the two of them the entire room has emptied and they are the only two in the room. No words are spoken and their incredible gaze remains until the silence is broken.

"So it's been a long time." Nathan manages to stutter out

"Yes it has." Haley replies trying to stetting her heart and keep the urge she has to just throw herself in his arms contained.


End file.
